Ready or Not...

Hard to believe that I am almost halfway through graduate school.  In three weeks, I will have completed 36 units of my coursework putting me over halfway.  I am currently in law and ethics and group skills.  July and August we actually have off so I won’t have any classes.  However, practicum has started which should keep me somewhat busy during those months. 

So back to the whole ready or not…you’re probably wondering what I am referred to here so let me tell you.  Ready or Not…practicum is here and I am now working with clients.  Now this is scary.  9 months of graduate school and they are letting me work with clients?  Crazy!  I do not feel prepared for this next step.  I feel like everything so far has been leading up to this point and now that it’s here, it’s scary.  So often in life, things look good until you actually have to take that step and do it.  While I am incredibly passionate about this field, things are brought to a whole new level now that I will be the one (“the expert”) who will counsel others.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple weeks since I started training for practicum and these are some of my thoughts:

                How am I going to know what to say or what to do?

                How can I help someone through something I know nothing about?

                What if I make a mistake?

                How can I help others when I don’t feel like I have my life perfectly together?

                What if the clients don’t like me?

                How will I handle my first suicidal client?

I could go on and on as there have been so many thoughts like this popping into my head recently.  The reality is that I’m afraid.  I do not know what is going to happen, yet I like to be in control.  As a future therapist, I do not know what a client may say in session which causes a sense of uneasiness in me.  I cannot be fully prepared (if you know me, you know that I strive to be prepared for anything and everything that may happen...like when my youth group experienced a tornado while camping in the middle of the night, my first instinct was to put all my clothes and sleeping bag in the dry bag so nothing would get ruined...most everything was soaked, but not my stuff), but I have to trust that my schooling, experience, and God’s guidance will help me as I start counseling clients.  It’s scary.  I don’t feel ready.  I’m sure I’ll make mistakes.  And I can only do so much for these clients.  You can’t make people change so I need to let go of that expectation.  People have got to want to change.  As a therapist, you can only take them so far. 

I’m currently teaching two classes at practicum and will start seeing individual clients in July once my summer classes are over.  I wanted to ease myself into practicum so I could get used to things before diving in.  Thankfully I won’t have any classes during my first few months so I can focus fully on my new role as an MFT Trainee (marriage and family therapist trainee).  Prayers appreciated as I take this huge step of finally putting into practice what I’ve been learning so far in graduate school.